1. Lysa describes her morning ritual with the scale and her failed efforts to eat healthier as a vicious cycle she felt powerless to stop. When it comes to your relationship with food, what repeated behaviors or events describe the cycle you experience and feel powerless to stop?
My vicious cycle isn't so much related to food as it is to the process as a whole. I have a tendency to do really well for a certain amount of time and then start to slack and start to gain weight back. Then once I'm fed up I start the process all over again. I feel myself heading that direction again. I've slowly started slacking and giving into my cravings more and more. Last week I had my first gain since I re-started this process in July and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have another gain this week. This time is different though because I'm finally starting to recognize my cycle and I refuse to let it keep happening.
2. What reasons motivate your desire to eat healthier? Do these reasons give your struggles with food a purpose strong enough to help you resist unhealthy eating? How do you respond to Lysa's statement, "I had to see the purpose of my struggle as something more than wearing smaller sizes and getting compliments from others... it had to be about something more than just me"?
There are several reasons that I want to eat healthier. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror. I want to be able to do more physical activities with out my knees being in pain. Most importantly I want my heart to be healthy. My family has a history of heart disease and it took my dad's life very young. I don't want my son to lose me like I did my dad because of my diet choices.
Sometimes these reasons give my struggles purpose enough to help resist cravings but there are times they don't. But if 'm being honest, right now I'm finding it harder to resist than I have been in previous weeks or months to resist my food cravings. It's so much easier to give in than it is to fight the cravings. I know I can do this it's just going to take a lot of prayer and a little bit of will power.
I actually really like Lysa's statement about it being something more than just her. Using that train of thought makes me realize this isn't just about me. This isn't something wrong with me, this is much bigger than me. It effects women and men alike, all over the world and there must be a reason for it. God calls us to him in many different ways and once we find him we have to keep going after Him. I think when we stop that's where we get in to trouble. That's what has happened to me. I've felt content with the idea that I can have my cake and eat it too but I'm wrong. In other words, I've slacked on praying, I've slacked on attending church and my home group, I've slacked chasing after my Lord. I thought the little bit that I was doing was enough and that I could have a good relationship with the Lord and still spend my time the way I want. I realize now that this is all a bigger picture and I'm just a small part of it. I need to focus more on the Lord and he will give me the strength I need on those rough days.
3. Consider your experiences over the last few days or weeks. Using the list below can you recall specific situations in which you turned to food for these reasons?
a: Comfort - This is actually quite ridiculous and pretty embarrassing but I have to be honest or this whole journey will be for nothing. Thanksgiving night, I wasn't quite ready for bed but the hubs was BC he had to work the next day. He went to bed and I decided to stay up and watch Criminal Minds. First of all, one should not do this at midnight by themselves lol. I was starting to get freaked out. Every sound in my house made me jump. I knew I needed to use the ladies room so I ran as fast as I could and on the way out I stopped by the kitchen. Some mashed potatoes left over from dinner were sure to distract me while I finished the serial killer show. So I got a bowl and ate it, all of it. Funny thing is, I didn't feel better at all.
b: Reward - This one happens to me every time I hit a new milestone. I think to myself, well dang, I've done a great job. Look at me I hit 10% of my body weight lost. Look at me I hit this or that number on the scale. Now I'm going to eat some Mexican. Not a good healthy version of Mexican but a real Mexican burrito topped with chili con queso and rice and beans... mmmm mmmm good. Sure, it tastes delicious. It's only my fave meal in the entire world next to mashed potatoes but was food really the reward I should be giving myself for losing weight? NO! It's OK to have these foods in moderation but there's a right and a wrong time to have them and as a reward, is not the right time.
c: Joy - This one for me is more about having food with friends and family. Spending time with my friends and family is such a joyous occasion for me because it doesn't happen as often as I'd like. When we do get together it's almost ALWAYS over a meal or drinks and when I'm in this situation it's even harder to make good choices.
d: Stress - This one is like a target on my back and will be my biggest challenge over this next week. I put so much pressure on myself to do well at work and this month just isn't a good one. I'm so far behind in my monthly goal it's going to take a true miracle from God to hit it and get the bonus money I so desperately need right before Christmas. Last week I tried with all my might to get closer to my goal and came up empty handed and all of last week I gave up on my healthy eating. Every morning I would rededicate myself, I'd have a good breakfast but by 11am I had decided the hell with it, I'm eating what I want for lunch. Mexican this day, Chinese that day, who cares I'm stressed and I'm going to eat it away. But again, much like the comfort situation, the food didn't relieve the stress. It actually made me tired and more stressed because like lost the want to to do my work. I just wanted a nap!
e: Sadness - I think most of us have been in the situation where we are sad about something and turn to food. That's what emotional eaters do. I used think I wasn't an emotional eater but lately I've started to realize, perhaps I am... and now, after this exercise, I'm fairly certain of it. I thankfully haven't experienced much sadness in the last couple days or weeks so I can't think of a specific example for this category but I will be the first one to admit, when sadness strikes, so does the ice cream craving. Sweets are my sadness go to. Apparently this week they've been my everything go to though.
f: Happiness - I think this one kind of goes hand in hand with Joy. A specific example of this situation would be Thanksgiving. I was so happy for the day to finally be here. I had been sooo looking forward to my mom's stuffing and my homemade mashed potatoes. It was like heaven on a plate... at the time. I made a big ole plate and after a couple bites I was full. I knew I was. I said I was. But did that stop me? NO! I kept on eating. I was too happy in that moment being with my family, sharing this meal that I had been looking forward to for so long, I wasn't stopping after a couple of bites. I was going to enjoy it, all of it and I did... until later that night when I was mad at myself for eating that much.
Keeping the same situations in mind, how do you imagine your experiences might have been if you had relied on God, Craved God, instead of turning to food?
In times of great emotion, which is what I think we're really talking about here, I think my experiences may have been different had I been focused on God because He would have been the center of it all. During the times of stress and sadness I'd have prayed to him and asked him for strength and guidance. For those times of joy and happiness I would have praised Him because it's He who gave me the gift of joy and happiness. In turn, I don't think food would have been such a huge part of those emotions and the emotional eating could be eliminated.
4. How do you respond to the idea of using your cravings as a prompt to pray? How has prayer helped or failed to help in your previous food battles?
If I'm being honest, I've never even considered the idea of using my cravings as a prompt for prayer. It hasn't been until reading this book that I've even connected the two things. I think the idea is a great one and one that I'll take and put to use. The idea of taking the time right then during one of those cravings to Pray is beautiful. I greatly lack prayer in my life. I mean I pray here and there but it's not a constant daily thing like it should be. It's an opportunity to pray more often and in turn grow closer in my walk with the Lord. What a beautiful thing that is!! I can't say that prayer has helped or failed me in food battles in the past because as I stated above, I've never considered the two connected until now.
5. In your battles with food, are you more likely to choose a drastic, quick-fix approach or a moderate but longer-term approach? What thoughts or feelings emerge when you consider dismantling your own tower of impossibility one craving at a time?
In the past I was more likely too choose the quick-fix approach. As I've been on this journey for the last several years since having my son, I've realized the quick-fix approach is a quick path to failure. This is a journey, not an overnight magic pill. Weight loss, much like the walk with the Lord, takes time. It takes blood, sweat and tears. There will be nights you feel like you can't go one more step but then you do and the rewards are worth the pain. It's amazing to me how much alike these two journeys are and makes me realize they really must be connected.
The feeling that emerges when I consider dismantling my own tower of impossibilities is gratefulness. I know how big that tower is, I know that with each level of my tower gone I am one step closer to me I want to be in all things, not just the physical me. I say gratefulness is the feeling because I will be so grateful to the Lord when I can look in the mirror and say I am ME again. I love me, I am happy with me, and it's all because of Him. He gives me the strength to keep going. I will praise Him!
Chapter two was more difficult for me than chapter one was. I think because it addressed some areas of my life outside of my weight loss journey that I was not up to par in and when one has a self realization of what feels like failure it's difficult to admit and overcome. But that's the point of this journey right? I'm going to be faced with many aspects of my life that I think I'm doing well and really just not. I have to keep going and be honest in these times and use them as an opportunity to confess to the Lord my shortcomings and ask for his help.
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